Nick Bennett: Licensed Food Handler
I have been working in bars and restaurants for several years and, until now, I’ve been relying on the skills I have picked up from my many positions to guide how I serve the customers. However, now your columnist has become certified to handle food, so when you see me behind the bar you can rest assured that it is a fully licensed food handler picking his nose.
In all the years I have worked in the service industry I didn’t even know that a food handlers license existed until a few months ago, at a new bar, all of the employees were asked to become certified. I jumped at the chance because I love having useless certifications, like the Internet certification I got that ordained me to marry someone or my LIU Brooklyn Campus diploma.
The food handler’s license is very easy to get. First thing that you need to complete is an online certification course that can be found at the New York City website (www.nyc.gov) under the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. I am not sure where the “Mental Hygiene” comes into it all, but I do know that all of the chefs I have encountered in my years in the business have been some of the most mentally sound individuals I have ever encountered.
No, wait, I mean the opposite of mentally sound. Most chefs that I know are super alpha personalities that can go from kind and gentle to terrifyingly angry faster than a manic-depressive.
The online course is free and very detailed about the New York Health Bureaus rules and regulations concerning etiquette and hygiene in restaurants, like what temperature pork needs to be cooked to and what constitutes a physical/health hazard or whether-or-not you have to wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Here are a few sample questions of what you might find in the online course:
Question #1
You are a chef preparing a dish to be served and your nose begins to itch. Where is an acceptable place for you to sneeze?
1) Your apron.
2) Into your hands.
3) Away from any and all food and cooking implements.
4) Any dish that asshole from table 12 is going to eat.
Question #2
The temperature range in which food borne bacteria can grow is known as the danger zone. This is typically considered to be between 41°F (5°C) and 140°F (60°C). According to the FDA Food Code, how many hours can food be left in the danger zone before it MUST be discarded?
1) Two Hours
2) Three Hours
3) Four Hours
4) You haven’t been paying any attention because you have the theme from Top Gun stuck in your head.
Question #3
That asshole from table 12 sent his steak back, again, claiming it was under cooked even though he had asked for it medium rare and now the head chef is choking him. According to FDA regulations, where should the CPR kit be located?
1) In the bathroom.
2) Behind the bar.
3) In the kitchen.
4) Someone call an ambulance, I think he has stopped breathing!
After I completed the online course I was prompted to choose a test date for a physical test a few weeks later. Mine was on February 15 and cost $24.60. The test took place in the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene headquarters in Harlem, because when I think of health and mental hygiene I think Harlem.
It took place in a small auditorium that smelt like mothballs and cat urine, which, according to FDA regulations, is a terrible stench. There were probably eighty other individuals taking the test that day. I never got the chance to see how anyone else did on the test but I passed with flying colors, scored a 92, and have been rubbing it in peoples noses ever since. That’s why I am writing this column.
I would have written one sooner about this but I seriously cannot get that Kenny Loggins song out of my head. It is really distracting.
Since getting his Food Handlers License Nick Bennett has cooked one pork chop, scrambled eggs and ordered delivery from seven different restaurants. Focused Boredom appear every week in the Arts and Entertainment section of the Independent.
