December 2008
9 posts
Having Trouble Coming Up With a New Year's...
There are only a few things in my life that I can admit to regret, quitting basketball in high school, never learning to play an instrument, missing that opportunity for a threesome (the good kind, not the gay kind). As a rule, I live my life by not regretting the things that I do by not thinking about the things that I do.
If I did I might begin to think of myself as an asshole so instead of...
Happy Holidays
Nothing special here. Just wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. I would also like to point out that I can spell out ‘Christmas’ instead of ‘X-Mas’ because I have enough time on my hands to do that. I am at home, waiting until the morning so I can celebrate the birth of our Savior with a Nintendo Wii or a new snowboard. I’m not sure what I’m getting, but I am sure...
I Think You’re Hot, But I Might Be Wrong
Hey baby, is this seat taken? How are you doing? I think you’re looking pretty sexy in that outfit but before you react I want to warn you that I could be wrong.
It is too dark here for me to really tell what you look like but I am pretty sure that I want to do you.
Do you come here often? I am going to assume that your legs are tired because I am going to tell you that you have been running...
Disappointing Myself By Updating My Resume
Things are going pretty well for your columnist these days. I write a popular column for a somewhat respectable publication, I tend bar for a trendy locals bar in Sag Harbor and I even have a few illegal things on the side, just to keep me on my toes.
It was because of this feeling of optimism that I decided to update my resume. There are few things in this world that will take you down a notch...
Q&A Nick Bennett Asks Nick Bennett the Important...
ME: First, I would like to say how much of an honor it is to be interviewing a man of our caliber
ME: Thank you, the feeling is mutual.
ME: And I believe congratulations are in order. You had another birthday this year.
ME: Yes I did. Quite successfully I might add.
ME: How does that make you feel?
ME: It’s like I am arm wrestling with God and I seem to be doing alright, the two of us staring at...
It’s been a downhill battle being Jonny Cigar’s bartender… The first time Mr. Cigar walked into my bar he had the swagger of a homeless man, who just found a twenty-dollar, and some young filly in tow. He was wearing a suit I would later learn had once belonged to Humphrey Bogart. He told me it was the suit that buried Bogart’s career or the one he was buried in. I can’t remember but I don’t dare...
Listen to me talk about the greatest patron a...
