January 2012
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November 2011
2 posts
October 2011
2 posts
September 2011
12 posts
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1 tag
August 2011
2 posts
July 2011
4 posts
June 2011
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May 2011
1 post
April 2011
3 posts
Black Is A Stallion: Some Ideas for Wii Videogames →
michaelianblack:
1. “The Wii Controller is Your Penis” That’s the name of the game. Each level brings you various challenging holes in which to put your penis. It’s like the board game “Operation” only instead of taking things out, you are putting something in. Your penis. And you can touch the sides. You can also…
March 2011
3 posts
Nick Bennett: Licensed Food Handler
I have been working in bars and restaurants for several years and, until now, I’ve been relying on the skills I have picked up from my many positions to guide how I serve the customers. However, now your columnist has become certified to handle food, so when you see me behind the bar you can rest assured that it is a fully licensed food handler picking his nose.
In all the years I have worked...
February 2011
2 posts
The Writing Process
My readers often ask me how I manage to come up with a new column every week. Let me tell you it is no easy task. The biggest problem is that trying to stay focused is so boring (get it?).
It may not take a lot of effort to write about bathroom etiquette and sports fans but there is a certain amount of thought that goes into these and a lot of factors that help shape the finished product.
Let’s...
January 2011
2 posts
“When Duane Reade opened a new store a few months ago in Brooklyn, it faced...”
– From the first paragraph of a recent New York Times article that conveniently forgets Spuyten Duyvil, Beer Garden and Brooklyn Ale House, only a few blocks away.
Focused Etiquette: For Guys
There are a lot of things that guys need to worry about, such as finding the right Valentines Day gifts and fourth downs. But one important concern for guys that generally goes undiscussed is the way they hold themselves in the bathroom.
Keep your mind out of the gutter. I am, of course, talking about proper etiquette in a men’s public restroom.
At this point I am guessing that most of my...
December 2010
2 posts
“FRANK SINATRA, holding a glass of bourbon in one hand and a cigarette in the...”
– So begins a profile of one of Hollywood’s best known drinkers by one of America’s best known profile writers, Gay Talese. When it ran in Esquire magazine in 1966, it helped launch a new form of nonfiction writing that did to plain old journalism what fermentation did to plain old barley.
Sinatra...
November 2010
10 posts
Dr. Boredom
As of this writing, I am suffering from what doctors and scientists are calling the common cold. Standard symptoms for this are coughing, sneezing, soar throat, fever and a runny nose.
Though as I lay in bed typing this, the idea of ‘standard symptoms’ just doesn’t seem to cut it. Right now it feels like someone crept into my room while I was sleeping and replaced the lining in my throat with sand...
The weight of 1 Testicle of a Right Whale is...
I have jut found my new favorite website. I can now compare the weight of one human eye ball to the weight of an average bowel movement (0.1417555001134) or the volume of saliva that the average human produces in a life time can almost fill two dump trucks, or that the length of the golden gate bridge is equivalent to the length of 12600 Human Tongues.
All of this, of course, is very important to...
What are you up to this week?
The Golden Glows, an acoustic band from the diamond city of Antwerp, Belgium will be playing around the city this week. They play “black and white blues” from 1729 to 1927 in warm three-part harmonies, absolutely fantastic to listen to. I will be at every show; you should at least come to one.
Mon 1 November 2010: Rockwood Music Hall, NYC - 20:00 - www.rockwoodmusichall.com Our mini-tour of NYC...
October 2010
7 posts
CMJ Showcase Tonight. →
marklow:
The W&L’s 3rd Annual CMJ Showcase is tonight. Above is a link to music from some of the musicians playing. I’m out of town, but in an ideal world I’d be in two places at once, and one of those places would be home. O’Death is headlining, and if you haven’t seen them yet, well, there’s no polite way to put this: our living room is about as ideal as it gets. Send me an email if you’re...
